That's right chump! The friend zone doesn’t exist and here’s why…
1st, Let’s define that so called “friend zone”.
After originally posting this, some on social media questioned my definition of the "friend zone". Some thought it was a place where men looking for just sex are put by women, to keep them at bay, and although that can be true, the concept of the friend zone started with the idea of “love sick” men not being able to advance past boundaries set by women.
The term was 1st popularized by a 1994 episode of Friends entitled "The One with the Blackout", where Ross, who was lovesick for Rachel, was described by Joey as being the "mayor of the friend zone". I hate using the TV show Friends when defining this term, but it is what it is. This is how the concept came into public consciousness by most.
The term also has darker roots. Feminist writers have even argued that the friend zone concept is misogynistic and rooted in male narcissism. Sorry guys, but I agree to some extent, because there can be an underlying message that being Mr. nice guy, and preforming kind acts - demand a sexual or romantic reward. Again, it's not always that dark, but it can be.
So, for this post, I'm talking to just the "love sick" men. I'm going to keep these thoughts to the original idea behind the concept.
The friend zone is a place men believe they’re in love with someone. A place with high hopes that their friend will someday become more, but many times it ends in anger, self-pity, broken friendships, jealousy and finger pointing.
The conundrum of being in this friend zone can only exist if you’re truly in love with someone to begin with, and if you claim to be in a friend zone, you were never truly in love with that person.
Is It Sinking in Yet?
Let’s break down what love is, and that’s not going to be easy, but let’s start with a thought that we can all agree on. True love is only true when both people feel it towards each other, and at the same time.
Can We Agree On That?
For true love to exist, it must grow, and it's always nurtured. It happens over time. Infatuation and lust can be the beginning stages of true love, but they’re not the same thing, and some people confuse those emotions, because they don’t know what they’re feeling.
With true love we also need bonding. Bonding happens in multiple ways. Conversations, sex, companionship, laughter, sometimes tears, and a deep respect for each-other.
As we’ve established the friend zone is a place where we are madly in love with someone, but the feelings aren’t returned. It’s a place of emotional torture, sadness, rejection, and despair. It’s a place we can’t escape, hoping that person will one day see us in a different light and feel the same way about us, as we feel about them, but it’s all bullshit!
Question: Who Put You In The Friend Zone?
If you said anyone but yourself...YOU’RE WRONG! You put yourself in this made-up zone.
So why would you do that? Why would anyone want to go through those horrible feelings?
Ready For The Truth?
It's because on some level, you don’t think you deserve to find love, so you keep yourself from having it reciprocated. It’s a way to protect yourself from being hurt. You’re not hung up on someone, you’re hung up on subconsciously not wanting to be with anyone.
If you claim to be in a friend zone with someone, maybe you should take a good look at yourself and ask “why am I doing this to myself and what do I expect to accomplish?”
If your answer is to find true love from that person, you’re fooling yourself. It’s not there. It never was, and more than likely - never will be. People who want to love you, WILL LOVE YOU TRULY, and they see you as more than just a friend.
That zone you created is in your head. A place you created for false hope, and a place created by you to not move on.
If you're honest with yourself, you'll see that you, and that person are just friends and always have been. Nothing more. The zone is in your head, not your heart. You created a delusional and dangerous place, and you did it out of self-preservation. Who hurt you dude?
Get It?
Someone had to tell you.
Now that you’ve discovered the fiend zone is an imaginary place, the next logical thing to do is move on, and do it without self-pity, dumb anger, and without blaming the person you’ve been accusing of not feeling how you want them to feel.
It’s time to grow up and put away the imaginary boundaries you created.
There is no such thing as a friend zone! Just friends.
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